Aftermath
by Sweet Like Rhapsody
Summary: An idea about how a family deals with one of their own not being able to deal and showing it in an extreme way.


Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer, not Sweet Like Rhapsody

* * *

><p>Edward gently pushed the door that led to the basement open. The faint smell of mustiness did nothing to dissuade him from going down into the room that held so many memories for him. A layer of dust had settled on top of the pinball machine and he had no clue where the old Nintendo had ended up. The couch was covered in a ratty sheet and loaded with boxes full of outgrown clothes, nothing else in the room felt outgrown. The couch was the same one that he and Bella would curl up on to watch Step by Step and Boy Meets World on Friday nights, the rug was the same one that Alice had stained with Emmet's blood when he was trying to teach her to do a round house kick.<p>

He moved the boxes to the floor and pulled the sheet off before wrapping himself in the worn afghan that was draped over the back of the couch. The comfort that he sought from the worn blanket did little to satisfy him. He ran over the phone call that he knew Alice and Bella must have had, there were two ways it could have gone. Alice would have called Bella, probably at night, and told her about the fight with the professor and the subsequent breakdown in the lobby of his dorm. He wasn't quite sure if Alice would've given her all the details and it upset him even when he realized he wasn't sure what Bella's reaction might have been.

The footsteps of his family milling around upstairs were muted and the voices were nothing but soft murmurs of sound. It would probably have been soothing but the sound of a truck pulling up to the house and a door closing made any feeling of relaxation disappear. Edward could feel his heart rate increase and the thoughts that had been sitting idly in the back of his mind jumped to the forefront. She was here.

"Alice?" Bella called as she let herself in the front door of the Cullen's house. Everything was the same as it had been when they had all gone away to school two years ago. "Alice? Are you here?"

"Bella!" Alice ran up to her and crushed Bella to her chest. "Oh, I'm so glad you came…"

"Where is he? Is he here?"

Alice gave her a sad smile, "He's here, Jasper picked him up from the hospital yesterday, they said that the worst of the physical symptoms are over. Emmet is downstairs in the gym and I think Edward is in the rec room. Carlisle said to make sure someone always knows where he is, I helped Jasper take all the locks off the doors."

Bella nodded, "Are Carlisle and Esme coming home?"

"No, they've been calling everyday from the satellite phone, they won't be able to catch a flight back to the states for another three or four weeks."

"How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay, I mean… he's home now, we don't have to worry about him being alone. We can help him, be there for him, I hope." Tears were threatening to spill over, "I just can't believe that it got this bad without any of us knowing. He's been using for over two years! He's my brother I should've known!"

Bella wrapped her arms around Alice, "It's alright now, we know and we can all be there for him now. You weren't the only one he cut out. He did that to all of us, to himself."

Alice sniffled and pulled away, "You should go see him." She nodded towards the door, "He's been down there awhile."

"Edward?" Bella called out tentatively as she reached the bottom of the staircase. She saw him on the couch, his hair looked like it hadn't been washed in days, the flannel pajama pants he had on were worn thin, they were the ones she had given him for Christmas their junior year at Fork's High. His feet were bare, the long sleeved grey t-shirt he wore hid the bandages that Bella knew were on his wrists. Deep, dark circles under his eyes made his face look even paler than it was and his feelings of panic were radiating off him in heavy waves.

He cleared his throat, "Hi." He kept glancing up at her but wouldn't keep eye contact.

She gave him a small smile, "Hi, it's good to see you."

He shook his head, "Not like this," he croaked.

"I'd rather see you like this than not at all."

"Well, you haven't seen me at all in almost two years." He immediately felt bad about saying that, she had been at school, she had tried to keep in touch and he totally shut her out. It wasn't her fault, he had been to weak, he missed her too much and was too afraid of rejection to ever tell her. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I… it's not your fault." He looked up quickly to see that she had tears in her eyes. "Sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

Edward sighed and began to cough.

"Are you okay?" Bella said, taking a step closer.

He nodded, "They gave me that charcoal shit, my throat is still sore." He reached over for a bottle of water. "I can't get the taste out of my mouth."

"Oh." Bella stood there shuffling her feet, "How are you feeling now?"

Edward looked away again. "Tired. Anxious. Sore." He shook his head, "Classic opiate withdrawal symptoms." There was a tense silence between them. "Is Alice still here?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs."

"She's probably throwing out all the knives and hiding all the bleach."

Bella glared at him, "That's not funny. Not at all."

"No, I guess not. But she's overreacting, I can't even lock the door when I take a piss."

"Edward, you overdosed on Oxy's and slit your wrists in the bathroom at your dorm. I don't think she's overacting. She's afraid you're going to do it again."

He pulled at a loose thread on the hem of his shirt, "Well I won't."

"Maybe you should tell her that." Bella turned to go back upstairs, "Maybe you should tell everyone that, because we're all afraid to lose you, Edward," She paused, "I don't want to lose you."

Edward sat and watched Bella ascend the stairs. The last words she spoke played on repeat in his head. I don't want to lose you, he had been thinking that same thing about her for as long as he could remember. He wanted nothing more than to say she would never lose him, he would always be hers, even if she didn't want him, even if he never told her.

He folded the afghan and returned it to it's place on the back of the couch. "Em?" He called out, "I'm going upstairs."

Alice and Bella were sitting at the kitchen table when he came up the stairs, they each held a mug of tea and looked drained. The redness in each of their eyes was hard for him to look at so he kept his eyes trained on his feet.

"Do you want some tea, Edward? The water is still hot." Alice asked softly.

"Sure, I'll get it, thanks." He went about getting his tea ready and then stood behind an empty chair at the table. "Is it alright if I sit?"

Alice nodded. "Sure, I'm going to make some lunch, are you hungry?"

"Not really. My stomach is still…"

"I'll have something, Alice." Bella said.

Alice nodded and stood up, she was so on edge, the need to be doing something was the only way for her cope. "Jasper should be back soon, he went to get your stuff from the dorm. I cleaned your room, just dusted and vacuumed so you can set everything up. I'm going to stay here for awhile, while Carlisle and Esme are gone."

Edward nodded, "Thank you." He said it softly.

"No problem, it's no big deal, this way I can keep the house up for when they get back and I can work from here no problem. Emmett is going back to Port Angeles tonight because Rose has an OB appointment tomorrow morning, so I'll drive you to your appointment…"

"Alice, thank you."

She nodded.

"Really, Alice. I just… thank you." He played with the teabag instead of looking up at his sister. He missed the tear slip down her cheek and the way she froze midway through cutting a sandwich when he thanked her.

Emmett came upstairs to find an empty cup beside the sink and his sister and her best friend sitting with two uneaten sandwiches in front of them. "Where is he?"

"In the living room, laying down on the couch." Bella said.

He nodded, "Sandwiches must have sucked." He grabbed Alice's and ate half of it in one bite. "Mhm, nob oo ad." He mumbled as he chewed. "I've got to get going. I still need to get some stuff done for Rose at the house. Will you guys be alright?"

"I'm going to stay over." Bella said, "Jazz should be back soon too. Tell Rose I said hello and good luck to both of you tomorrow."

"Thanks Bells. Ally, I'll call you when I get home okay?" Emmett pulled her into a hug.

"Okay, thanks Em, I'll talk to you later. Make sure you say bye to him."

Emmett walked into the living room and looked at his brother. "Hey man, I'm heading out."

"Okay," Edward sat up. "Tell Rose I said hi."

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" His voice seemed so much softer, more cautious than Emmett remembered.

"Don't do that shit again." He didn't give Edward a chance to respond, he wrapped his arms around his brother, "Don't do that again." Emmett shook, he could feel emotions raising up, "Okay? Cause I can't… I wouldn't be able… this kid has to have an uncle, alright?"

Edward closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Just don't call me Uncle Eddie and we have a deal."

Emmett half sobbed, half laughed and squeezed his brother a little harder. "Deal." He pulled away and shook Edward's hand. "I love you, bro. I'll see you this weekend, Sunday dinner at our place."

"Okay, later Em."

Emmett pulled the front door open.

"Hey Em?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you too, bro."

When Edward returned to the kitchen Bella was standing at the sink washing dishes. "Where's Alice?"

"She went to lay down, I guess she didn't sleep much last night."

"No, she was up. I heard her downstairs all night." He sat down at the table. "I feel like everyone's mad at me." Edward whispered. He pulled his sleeves over his hands and pushed the heels of his palms against his eyes. "I don't understand how all this happened." He could feel his body begin to tremble, whether it was a withdrawal symptom or the overwhelming tides of emotion that kept ebbing and flowing within him, he couldn't be sure. "I don't know how I could do this to all of you…" He drew in a shaky breath and looked at Bella in the eyes for the first time since she had arrived, "How could I do this to you?" He felt a sob catch in his throat, "I never, never wanted to hurt you." He dropped his head back down and fisted his hands in his messy hair. "I…I never would h…hurt you." The waves of feeling finally came crashing onto him.

Sobs began to take him over, "I wanted to be with you…you Bella, I…I tried to do… do what I was sup…supposed to do." He kept trying to force the tears away, he had to tell her that he tried. "Being away… the… the drugs made me forget… how lonely…" He looked up at her through a fog of tears, "I wanted…wanted to be w…with you. That was all…all I c…could think about." He kept trying to talk, to do anything to convince her that he had tried but all of the emotions that he had held onto for the past two years suddenly needed to get out and the only words that could manage to fit with them were hysterically mumbled apologies. Until, by some strange power, the vice grip that he held on his messy hair was loosened and soft fingers rubbed over his trembling, scarred knuckles. Perfectly painted nails held onto his ragged, chewed ones. He looked up. His bloodshot green eyes were met by tear-filled brown ones.

"I…I only wanted you… it was… it was too much… I was all…all alone…"

Bella stroked his greasy hair away from his eyes. "Shh… Edward…"

"No…no. I was so…so selfish…I… I ruined everything." He was gasping for breath.

Bella pulled a chair next to his, she put one hand on his back and her other on his chest. "Breathe Edward." Her voice held a forced calm. "Just think about breathing in… and out." She began to breathe slow and even, guiding him, "Deep breath in…easy, now out…slowly." She continued to rub his back. "You're having a panic attack, you'll be alright. Just keep breathing, I'm right here, you aren't alone." Bella could feel the wall that she had been holding up begin to slip, "You aren't alone anymore."

They sat there at the kitchen table together, Bella whispering soothing words to Edward until they heard the front door open. "Guys? Anyone here?" Jasper called out as he walked into the kitchen. "Hey, I've got my truck all loaded up outside, we should probably bring everything in before it gets dark."

Bella nodded, "Come on, Edward. Direct us where to go, okay?" She said gently, knowing he couldn't carry much because of his stitches. He nodded and followed them outside, still barefoot.

After they had brought everything to his room Edward stood staring at the boxes. "Are you sure you got everything?" He asked Jasper.

He cleared his throat, "Yeah…um I flushed some pills that I found, and I've got your pocket knife… it's clean now, at my place." Jasper rubbed the back of his neck and looked around the room. "Everything else is here."

Edward felt his face flush, the sudden feeling of guilt and embarrassment overtook his ability to speak. He could picture his friend carefully wiping his treasured pocket knife clean of his blood. It was the same knife they had used to cut tangled fishing line when they were camping together with Emmett.

"Thanks," he sighed. "Can you just hold onto that for awhile, don't throw it away?"

"I won't."

"I know. It's just…"

"We used it when we went fishing."

Edward swallowed, "Yeah."

"We can go again… right?" Jasper asked quietly.

Edward heard the other question laying under the surface, it was the same one Emmett had asked earlier. "Yeah Jazz, we can. We'll go again. I want to go again."

Jasper looked at him, he saw the truth in Edward's eyes. He knew that things would get better. Edward could get better, he just needed to know they wanted him to. "Good, cause I really like going fishing. I love going fishing. If I couldn't go fishing anymore… I'd be pretty bummed."

Edward gave a small smile, just enough to let his friend know that he understood, "Yeah, I love fishing too, Jazz."

Jasper let out the breath he had been holding, "Alright, well I'm gonna go check on Ally. Let me know if you need help putting anything away, okay?"

"Sure, thanks man."

Jasper nodded and left to find Alice, and Edward set about emptying the boxes in his room. Bella came in carrying two water bottles, tape and plastic wrap. "Hey, why don't you go take a shower? You'll feel better after you're all cleaned up."

He nodded. "Okay."

Bella walked up to him. "Sit down on the bed, I'll cover your arms so the bandages don't get wet." Edward obliged and carefully removed his shirt. He had never felt more vulnerable than he did right then, tears were pricking at his eyes. "Don't worry, it won't hurt when you take the tape off," she said as she secured the plastic wrap around his left wrist.

He nodded and looked away.

Bella wrapped his right wrist just the same, "If you want to shave I can get you a razor, but you'll have to leave the door open."

"Alice's rule?"

Bella nodded.

"That's okay, I'll wait." He stood and walked to the bathroom. The door shut behind him and he reached to lock it before realizing there was no lock. Edward shook his head and looked at himself in the mirror that hung on the back of the door. His cheek bones stood out more than he remembered, so did his ribs. The white bandages were bright and clean against his pale skin. He felt strange without the leather necklace he always wore, it was probably still in the plastic bag marked Personal Belongings, along with the shirt they had cut off him and his now bloodstained favorite jeans. He rubbed at the stubble that was beginning to form on his chin.

The warm water felt good pounding on his tired muscles, as he reached up to lather his hair with his father's shampoo he realized how sore his arms were.

Bella was right, the shower had been relaxing, he felt a little better now that he was clean. When he went back to his room he saw that most of the boxes were now empty and stacked in the hallway. He found Bella sitting on his floor turning the dog-eared pages of his photo album. She looked up when he walked in. It would have been impossible for him to miss the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"Oh, Edward…" She pulled in a shaky breath, "I don't think I could deal with not having you in my life. I missed you so much. Then Alice called and all I could think was that I wouldn't get here in time…" She shook her head, trying to rid those thought from her mind. "I'm sorry I was so far away. I don't want to be like that again. I want to be near you." She looked up at him, "I'm so glad you're here."

It was as though someone flicked a switch in his head. He knelt beside her on the floor and wrapped his arms around her.

"I am too, Bella." He breathed in the comforting scent of her hair, "I'm glad I'm here."

* * *

><p>AN- This is the first story I've published... I'm nervous about it, I wish I could take it further, but, I'm seriously lacking direction. Any reviews, criticism, ideas, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Suicide attempts are something I'm relatively familiar with, several close friends and family members have attempted, if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please, reach out.


End file.
